I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have tasted many bathrooms
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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