God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
