I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
