drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Text me some of your sweat
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
