I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
