which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
