Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize