I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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