wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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