I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
