i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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