I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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