hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
