I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
