this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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