had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I forget how to act sober
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
