I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
