Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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