I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
