things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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