It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
