I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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