i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
