cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You can't special order awesome
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
