You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
