just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
