I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My vagina is officially offended.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
