whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
