just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize