gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
