woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
