Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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