I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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