Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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