Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
