Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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