I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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