I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
