Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
