i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
