Got a toothbrush?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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