you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
