filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
