Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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