i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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