ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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