bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
