I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
