after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
