I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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