i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize