I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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