its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
