I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
