Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
