Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize