"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
