Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
