Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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