I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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