Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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