Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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