I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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