Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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