Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
