You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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