You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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