He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He felt like a one man threesome
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
