I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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