can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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