this beer tastes like vomit already
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
